Whether it’s motivating underperforming staff, addressing behavioral issues, or handling dismissals and disciplinary actions, kitchen leaders must tackle difficult conversations with professionalism and respect. Yet, these moments are also opportunities to foster growth, improve team dynamics, and strengthen accountability.
By balancing empathy with accountability and linking conversations to measurable goals, you can navigate challenging discussions effectively. Here’s a practical guide to managing difficult conversations in the workplace, to maintain a positive environment and foster growth.
Why You Can’t Avoid Difficult Conversations
Skipping tough conversations might feel easier in the moment, but it leads to bigger headaches later:
1. Small issues turn into big problems.
2. The rest of the team gets frustrated.
3. Performance drops, and service suffers.
Addressing issues head-on is part of running a successful kitchen. The trick is to stay calm, be clear, and focus on solutions.
The Tough Talks Every Chef Will Face
Every chef has to face some classic difficult conversations. One of the most common situations is motivating someone who’s not pulling their weight. For instance, you might have a line cook who’s showing up late or dragging their feet during prep, throwing off the entire service.
Another challenge is dealing with bad attitudes. Maybe you have a sous chef who’s got great technical skills but tends to snap at teammates, creating a toxic atmosphere in the kitchen. These behavioral issues can damage team morale if left unchecked.
Then there’s the hardest one of all—disciplinary actions or dismissals. Letting someone go, especially when they’ve ignored repeated warnings, is never fun. But when a team member repeatedly skips safety protocols or fails to deliver, it’s a conversation that has to happen to protect the rest of the team and maintain kitchen standards.
Sound familiar? These situations are tough, but you can learn how to deal with a difficult conversation with the right approach.
Step 1: Get Ready for the Conversation
Preparation is everything when it comes to tough conversations. Before you say a word, make sure you’re in the right headspace to give compassionate feedback. Be specific about the issue. Instead of saying, “You’re not doing a good job,” try something more concrete, like, “You’ve been late three times this week, which is slowing down prep for dinner service.” Specific examples help keep the conversation focused and prevent it from feeling personal or vague.
Secondly, stick to the facts. Gather specific examples of the behavior you want to address, such as dates, incidents, or performance metrics. When you focus on the facts, the conversation feels less like an attack and more like a problem-solving session.
Step 2: Keep Calm
Try this advice from Kenneth Cacho, Country Executive Chef at Unilever Food Solutions Philippines
Difficult conversations can get emotional. It’s easy to lose your cool, but staying calm is critical if you want the discussion to go well. If you’re angry, take a moment to breathe and center yourself before starting the conversation. Approaching the situation calmly sets the tone and helps the other person feel less defensive.
Timing is another key factor. Never start a tough conversation in the middle of a dinner rush or when everyone’s stress is already maxed out. Instead, pick a quieter moment, like after service, when you can talk privately without interruptions.
When it’s time to speak, keep your tone neutral and professional. Avoid phrases like “You always…” or “You never…” as they can make the person feel attacked. “Have compassion in mind when giving feedback”, says Chef Andrew Dunne, Virtue Integrated Elder Care, “Make sure that you are always mindful that some members of the team may be having a bad day and think of the way you would like to be approached.”
Go for something more neutral instead, like, “I’ve noticed…” or “Here’s what I’ve been seeing.” This keeps the conversation productive and less confrontational.
Discover more tips to manage stress: Handling the Heat in the Kitchen: Tips to Cope with Stress
Step 3: Make the Talk Productive
Handling difficult conversation isn’t just about pointing out what’s wrong—it’s about fixing it. Start the discussion on a positive note by highlighting something the person is doing well. For example, you might say, “You’ve got great knife skills, and your plating is always spot-on. But I want to talk about something that’s been affecting the team.” Chef René-Noel Schiemer, Unilever Food Solutions Germany, believes it’s time to set a different tone with the new generation of chefs: “The younger generation needs a different style of communication. It always helps to start all conversations with a positive message.”
Get more insight on how to nurture new talent: Retaining Top Talent
Once the conversation is underway, get straight to the point. Don’t dance around the issue or sugarcoat it. State the problem clearly but respectfully, being direct shows you’re serious but fair.
Keep the focus on solutions. Instead of just pointing out the problem, involve the person in coming up with a fix: “Agree on areas where you can focus and improve”, suggests James Brown, Executive Chef at Unilever Food Solutions UK & Ireland, “This helps the team feel like they’re all working towards a common goal”.
Finally, set clear expectations. Set achievable goals that help everyone stay on the same page. Set a short time frame, like a week or a month, and agree to check back on progress then.
Step 4: Follow Up
A tough conversation doesn’t end when you walk away. The key to managing difficult conversations effectively is what happens afterward. Following up shows you’re serious about making improvements and gives the person a chance to stay accountable.
Check in regularly to see how things are progressing. If they’re improving, be sure to acknowledge it and reward it. Consistent follow-through keeps the momentum going and shows you’re invested in their success.
The Bottom Line
Being at the head of a kitchen isn’t just about cooking—it’s also about leading. And sometimes, that means having tough conversations. By staying calm, being clear, and focusing on solutions, you can turn difficult talks into moments of growth and accountability for your team.
Tough conversations don’t have to be a nightmare. They can be a chance to strengthen your team, raise standards, and build a better kitchen culture.
